Meet Benjamin

My son Benjamin was such a bright, beautiful and compassionate soul! He was my first-born child born in 1996. He had a heart of gold and loved his family and friends so dearly. His younger brother Peter and I had a special place in his heart. I'd been a single parent and it was just the three of us for a long time. There are truly no words to describe how wonderful Benjamin was.

Benjamin had a very adventuresome spirit and was always seeking new experiences. He had such a lust for life and those he shared it with! He wasn't especially cautious, actually more a risk taker. This fact should have been a blaring red flag to me. If I had only told him one more time about being safe in everything you do and how you treat your body (as if I hadn't already told him many, many times already). He loved swimming, canoeing, riding bikes and motorcycles, and philosophizing with his friends (just to name a few). Although he had played plenty of organized sports, he wasn't especially interested in doing that. He took piano, trumpet and saxophone lessons, but hadn't been especially interested in that either, although he was naturally musically inclined. He was a prankster and so goofy alot of the time. He had an incredible vocabulary and was very well spoken. He loved to read and, for a while, enjoyed playing video games. All his friends knew he was intelligent, but he didn't like any attention drawn to himself in that way as he never wanted to stand out as being "different". But, he was different. In a wonderful way. If I had only been able to impress upon him how wonderful it is to be unique. That is a lesson for which time and life experience is the best teacher. He never believed me when I told him he was perfect the way he was. My point with this is that Ben always wanted to fit in. He made friends easily and had a variety of them, some good influences and some very terrible. But, he had an unnatural fear of rejection from his peers.

On November 28, 2015 Benjamin died of an accidental drug overdose. He was only 19 years of age. I was working and he was home; had locked himself in the bathroom. He had his whole world ahead of him, and he certainly could have done anything he would have set his curious and beautiful mind to. Benjamin had been a risk taker and was apparently coerced into trying drugs. One thing led to another and he had soon become an addict. I thought he was way too smart to let that happen to himself. I'm quite sure he thought he was too smart to die of a drug overdose too. But, drugs are very powerful. And, drugs won that day.

It has been almost 11 years now, and I still miss him so deeply everyday. It is so unfortunate that he lost his life. He would have made such a big difference to many in this lifetime. Truth is, his death had a significant impact in our small community where he was raised. It was such a shock that he had died from overdose that so many people (especially the young and vulnerable and the parents of) became even that much more aware of the horrific impact drugs can have. It totally devastated me and our family. And, it showed. Benjamin had become the poster-child for what not to let happen to your life. Nobody wanted to be our family! That's for sure.

Not a soul could say anything to me that would make a difference in how I felt. There is just the never-ending void that persists when your loved one is no longer here. I felt like there was nothing that anybody could say or do to help me. And, I didn't know where to start to help myself. Find out what happened to me that changed things. Learn how I dug myself out of the hole of my despair and have finally found peace. Read It's Not Over. I am deeply sorry for your loss and I truly hope you find peace for yourself. https://www.facebook.com/aliveinourhearts19